Superman vs. Werewolves vs. Robots vs. Leprechauns vs. Monkeys vs. Cupcakes


When last we left our heroes, Gotham City was being overrun by vampires, werewolves, mad scientists, and Elder Vomit Gods.  Let’s rejoin with Superman as he flies through a hospital, shall we?  Superman is busy being disgusted by the callous butchering of those who have dedicated themselves to blablabla, when he runs into his old friend Chadd, now vampiric as fuck and stealing bags of plasma!

Because of the plasma theft, Superman deduces that Chadd does not want to hurt anybody, and therefore he must be protected from the cruel world because Chadd is special and wonderful and the best person Superman has ever met.  When Superman runs into a battle between Batman, Green Arrow, Jason Blood and a bunch of werewolves and vampires, he even prevents Chadd from getting hit with a wood-tipped arrow!

 

Hooray, Superman!  As Superman takes Chadd away from all this unpleasantness, Dimeter and his werewolf buddy (whose name is Janko, which as far as I know, has nothing to do with ice cream) meet up with the other heroes so they can share their predictable backstory.  It turns out they met Dr. Combs in Russia a while back, and after he first opened the door to Monsterland, he somehow mad scienced the two of them into what they are today.  He kept them chained in a basement and kept throwing children down to them until they caved into their hunger, thereby losing their souls or whatever.

As they’re wrapping up this twisted tale of beastly boredom, they are attacked by a million vamps and wolves, led by Dr.Combs.  I want to pause here, before I forget, to give a shoutout to the artist of this story, Tom Mandrake, who draws really awesome monsters.  Check out this spread of Jason Blood turning into Etrigan and aggressively rhyming at an army of hellspawn:

 

The good guys kick ass of course, and Dr. Combs is apparently taken away to Arkham.  Meanwhile, Superman is visiting Dr. Kirk Langstom, in hopes that the Man-Bat himself can somehow reverse Chadd’s condition.  Langstrom is about to give him a blood transfusion or some shit, when of course his lab is suddenly attacked by werewolves.  An awesome battle follows, in which Langstom immediately turns into Man-Bat and starts beating the holy shit out of the wolves.  Superman isn’t so lucky, because of the whole magic thing, but he manages to hold his own fairly well too.

We then cut to Batman visiting Dimeter in the aftermath of their battle and just being a total dick to him for no reason.

Even though this dude just fought by his side to take down an army of monsters, Batman insults him, threatens him, and tortures him with sunlight.  It’s all pretty unprecedented, so I guess Batman is just racist against vampires. 

After terrorizing poor Dimeter for a while, Batman joins back up with Superman in Langstrom’s lab.  Sadly, Chadd’s blood transfusion was not a success.  Chadd dies, comes back to life as a full-blown vampire, attacks everybody, jumps out the window and is burned to death by the sun before Superman can save him.

Good night, sweet Chadd.  A tragic end to the greatest hero in the DC  Universe, and Superman’s very best friend in the whole world.

At this point, everything has been figured out and Dr. Combs has been defeated, but the story keeps dragging on.  This would have been much better if it was tightened up into a 4-issue miniseries instead of a 6-issue one.  Anyway, for some reason they all still have to fight some more monsters, which leads to yet another awesome battle spread:

Eventually, Etrigan recites an incantation that sends them all back to the other realm or some shit.  Dimeter goes off to try to find a cure for vampirism, and Combs is in Arkham planning more evil schemes for the future.  This story ends just how it began, confusing and stupid.

All in all though, it’s a pretty fun, breezy, Halloweeny read.  The art is really good if you like pictures of monsters, and almost makes up for the doofy story and eye-rolly dialogue.  But, of course, what Superman & Batman vs. Vampires & Werewolves will really be remembered for is the death of everyone’s favorite character, Chadd:

Never forget.

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