Punch Your Head Right Off Your Fucking Neck


I am one of those people who actually loved the movie Freddy vs. Jason.  I have distinct memories of drawing Freddy vs. Jason comics as a kid, and staging battles on the day camp playground (I was always Freddy, of course).  I waited my entire life for that movie, and I wasn’t disappointed when it finally became a reality.  While I thought it definitely leaned more towards Nightmare than Friday, it was a pretty good mash-up of both franchises, with all the classic elements that made them both great.  Plus, Jason’s rampage at the cornfield rave was just fucking stellar, wasn’t it?  Yeah it was.

Soon after that movie, there were lots of rumors about a sequel which would add Ash Williams from Evil Dead into the mix.  Since this was obviously the coolest idea for a movie ever conceived, some shitheads made sure it would never get made.  And at this point, with both franchises having been rebooted, it seems unlikely Freddy and Jason will ever butt heads on the big screen again.  That’s a shame, but luckily there is always the medium of comic books to ensure that if awesome shit can’t happen for real, at least somebody somewhere will draw some pictures of it.

The comic book Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash is pretty damn good for what it is.  In the great tradition of the movies it is based on, it begins with a brief prologue in which Lori, the “final girl” of the original Freddy vs. Jason, is killed off:

I love that Jason’s “theme” is presented here as a sound effect!  It’s especially adorable because instead of it being used to build tension while Jason stalks his victims, here it seems like Jason bursts into the room and then pauses a moment so the “ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah” can play, before getting down to business.  Good for you, Jason, you deserve it!  Anyway, with Lori out of the way, now we can set the premise for how these icons are brought together.

Ash has been transferred to the new Crystal Lake S-Mart location, so he can be the manager of the housewares department, and search for the Necronomicon (which he has somehow figured out is in the old Vorhees place).  But Freddy is also after the Book of the Dead, and has once again recruited Jason to track it down for him.

Freddy needs to be all like KLATTU VERATA NIKTO so he can resurrect himself and hold dominion over the waking world as well as the land of dreams.  Jason is in on it because Freddy has promised to bring him back from the dead as well.  Ash is after the book because Ash is always after the book.  So the plot of the comic revolves mostly around these three dudes battling for possession of the Necronomicon, with a bunch of awesome shit happening along the way.

One of those awesome things – perhaps the most awesome thing – is Jason’s berserker rampage at the S-Mart.  There are some excellent shopping-themed kills here:


I wish there were more scenes in the movies where Jason was outside of his normal environment, because there’s so much potential for clever shit like this!  These kills are so cool that I don’t even mind how much the blood and guts look like Play-Doh.

Of course as soon as Ash falls asleep, he and Freddy meet for the first time.  As you can imagine, these two dudes hanging out quickly turns into a battle of the smart-ass one-liners, but first Freddy has quite the nightmare planned.  First Ash gets his hand back, only to have it transform into a razor-claw glove.  He chainsaws it the fuck off, only to have it turn into a bunch of cute little Freddies.  Finally, the two formally meet and the riff session can begin.  Freddy is more talkative than ever here:

For some reason, the idea of Freddy conversationally introducing himself cracks me up.  Then Freddy talks about the matter “at hand” and Ash calls Freddy “Dead Astaire” and they make little jokes back and forth, and also fight.

Freddy eventually gets his hands on the Necronomicon, and uses it to bring himself in the real world, planning to plague it with nightmares and rule with an iron glove.  Ash needs to get the book back to banish Jason and Freddy to the Deadite dimension, because hey – as it turns out, Jason is a Deadite!

The rest of the story is mostly action, as Ash pits the two monsters against each other as a distraction while he grabs the book and sends them to Hell.  He eventually succeeds, and then drives off into the sunset, while we are treated to an epilogue which suggests that – gasp – Freddy and Jason might not be gone for good!

I love this story.  I’m really into crossovers and I love the way these characters are brought together, and they way they interact with each other.  I love that Jason is some kind of Deadite willed to life by the Necronomicon, and I love Freddy’s annoyance at meeting someone who blabs just as much as he does.  My only complaint is that the story doesn’t delve into quite enough established mythology from the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th film franchises, but that’s a complaint which is addressed big time in the sequel to this story, which I will write about next.

See you then, boys and ghouls!  In the meantime, go listen to The Hextalls.

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