Five Six Grab Your Crucifix

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash – The Nightmare Warriors is a sequel to the comic book Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash, which is a sequel to the film Freddy vs. Jason, which is a crossover sequel to both the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street film franchises.  Whew.  To tell you the truth, I really only wrote about the first Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash comic book so I could write about its sequel, which is chock full of awesome fan service to people who are into the original Jason and Freddy franchises.  It’s also one of those stories where the writers ultimately just say “fuck it” and go completely outlandishly nuts.  I like those kinds of stories.

The writers of this series had the right idea, conceptualizing it as a horror version of a DC Crisis event, with all the mythologies of the various source materials converging into one solid continuity.  I love stuff like that, and it’s really fun to see how it all comes together.

The plot involves the US government attempting to use the Necronomicon to create an army of Deadites under their control.  Freddy, Jason and Ash get involved in this in ways too ridiculous to detail here.  Plus, gentle reader, I’m going to assume you’re not a stupid asshole, so you’ll probably be reading this yourself as soon as humanly possible.  I won’t spoil it for you.  Needless to say, the hijinks that occur along the way include Freddy posing as President George W. Bush, the return of the Army of Darkness, tons of ridiculously cool Deadite army battles, Robot Freddy, and Jason getting resurrected in human form.  Yes, Freddy bring human Jason back to be the General of his Deadite Army, and Jason is sort of disturbingly sexy:

Look at that flowing Fabio-like hair!  And the hip urban cowboy duds!  Oh my, Jason, oh my!

Um, anyway, lots of cool stuff happens; that’s the main point.  But what really attracted me to this story, and what separates it from millions of other shitty tie-in comic books, is the Nightmare Warriors, the team that assembles to challenge these monsters.  Besides Ash, the Nightmare Warriors consists of an all-star dream team of Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th franchise survivors, including:

Maggie Burroughs, Freddy’s daughter from Freddy’s Dead

Dr. Neil Gordon from The Dream Warriors

Rennie Wickham, the girl with Stephen King’s pen from Jason Takes Manhattan

Tina Shepard, the psychic girl from Friday the 13th Part VII

 Alice Johnson, Freddy’s would-be mother or whatever from The Dream Child

Stephen Freeman from Jason Goes to Hell (and his daughter Stephanie, Jason’s great-niece, now a teenager)

…and last but certainly not least… Tommy fucking Jarvis

What a fucking team, huh?  The girls are all sluttier-dressed and bigger-titted, but they’re all here!  And it’s especially great to see Tommy back in action.  Historically, these films have always featured female protagonists as the strongest characters, but there’s never been a thorn in Jason’s side as irritating as Tommy Jarvis.  From his roots as a creepy mask-making Corey Feldman to his character’s continuation in three (!) Friday the 13th movies, Tommy’s always been the Joker to Jason’s Batman, and it’s fun as hell to see him butting heads with Ash to be the main man of the group (because let’s face it, it sure isn’t going to be the poor man’s Bill Maher up there). 

Generally, the characters are pretty true to canon, and they take some interesting twists and turns that I won’t spoil for you here.  If you have any taste at all, you’re stoked as fuck, but you’re probably also asking yourself:  This is all well and good, but where the fuck are the ghosts of Amanda Krueger and Nancy Thompson?  Rest your precious head, my friend, because of course those ghosts get involved. 

Anyway, it took me about four hours to find those pictures on Google Image Search, so I’m about ready to wrap this up.  If you’re a fan of any of these franchises – or especially if you’re a fan of all of them like I am – you should definitely check out this series.  It’s retarded in the best possible way.

2 responses to “Five Six Grab Your Crucifix

  1. i wil like to enjoy in one of these film

  2. Pingback: My Year in Movies, 2013 | The Sense of Right Alliance

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