I guess it was Tim Drake day today.
Red Robin #22, 24-26
So at the beginning of Red Robin #22 Red Robin explains that fucking Azrael and some other evil dude are trying to Sodom and Gomorrah the shit out of Gotham City. I begin to wonder at this point why Gotham does not have some sort of big government agency dedicated to preventing the biblical destruction of Gotham, since this seems to happen about once every year or so.
Tim tracks Azrael to some church he’s burning down and gets stabbed through the heart by Azrael’s flaming sword–but it doesn’t do anything because Tim Drake: totally not guilty! Sinless even! But then Azrael and Azrael’s friend are all like “He didn’t bow down in the church he doesn’t believe” and then Tim’s all “I don’t.” The End.
In #24, Tim Drake is being chased by all the assassins because they’ve made some sort of game of trying to kill Tim Drake. Why couldn’t they kill someone like Superman, Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, or some other dude who also totally sucks. I mean, Tim’s no Stephanie Brown, but he’s alright. After running the fuck away from some of those assassins, he ends up trapped in some tunnels under Paris by a crazy lady and another crazy lady. They chain him to the wall and one of the ladies is like “You’re gonna get me pregnant!”
And just in time in #25 Cass Cain shows up! She came all the way from Hong Kong to save Tim Drake. She kicks all of the butts! I think those two crazy lady run away, I don’t remember. Then Cass stabs Tim in the heart with a sword! But it’s okay since it was only a fake stabbing and Tim concocted an elaborate device that both made it look like a sword came out of his chest and also sprayed his own blood all over everything. Because, you know, he keeps a supply of his own blood… for later. Then at the end he goes to the Robincave and talks about how he assassinated Captain Boomerang.
But in #26 he doesn’t! He doesn’t assassinate anyone!! At all!! THE END OF RED ROBIN.
This takes place a year after Infinite Crisis! It says so right on the cover. Tim Drake finds some girl named Lynx dressed up as Batgirl and dead in an alley! Now he’s wanted by the police for the murder of not-Batgirl… and has no idea where Batgirl is! Batgirl!
Robin Annual #7
The first story in this book is Robin trying to find a lady who has been carving up people like jack-o-lanterns for Halloween which is apparently Gotham City crazy people amateur hour. Tim does detective stuff for a while, then he meets up with his girlfriend to pick out pumpkins for carving where she’s earnestly like “Tim, you look so distracted! Go deal with whatever’s distracting you and I’ll sit here and pick out pumpkins alone. I’m the best girlfriend! We can hang out tomorrow!” Then Tim finds the lady who’s been killing off what turns out to be her own family (who are also serial killers) for her mother’s approval. Tim crashes through a window just in time to watch her run away. Then he carves pumpkins with his bizarrely complacent girlfriend. NO CLOSURE.
The next story is about Damian “The Worst Robin” Wayne. I mean, at least Jason Todd died. He hallucinates some stuff in a graveyard. It’s really boring. I hate Damian so much.
Salvation Run #3
I read the first one of these but not the second one. After being banished by some people to some planet all of the evil people are split between wanting to follow the Joker or Lex Luthor. Also it seems that in the last issue Psimon’s brain throbbed at the Joker, so he killed him. Also Blockbuster is there, but I remember Dick Grayson crying about how deadsies he was in War Games. The villains break out into a huge fight, and afterwards it turns out… it’s not Blockbuster! It’s the Martian Manhunter!
You guys remember The Fifth Element? I’m at least 85% sure that Fray takes place in the same earth as that movie. Also it’s the future of the Buffyverse. Fray is supposed to be the slayer OF THE FUTURE and some demon guy is all like “Hey, you’re the slayer. You wanna kill vampires?” and she’s like “What the fuck are you talking about.” That goes on for like 10 pages. Then Fray goes to steal something from a museum, and she fights a vampire but has no idea how to kill it. Not one clue. In the future, people must be fucking stupid. After that she goes back to the demon dude and is all “What’s a slayer?”
I really hate all of the future slang in this book.
Beware The Creeper #1 (2003)
I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s in 1920s france, there are sex workers, and paintings, Ernest Hemmingway is there. The creeper is only in this book for like two pages. I don’t get it. The art’s nice. Why are there so many books where #1 doesn’t make any sense without #2???
After reading about all that murder and France it was nice to read a story where Superman gets shrunk to microscopic size and the only way that his life can be saved is if Batman ALSO shrinks himself down to the same size. Also there’s a city inside the Prankster’s ear. Steel is there too, but he doesn’t look like Shaq anymore.
Between this and Infinite Crisis #5 I learned some valuable information:
– Mr. Terrific is Earth’s third smartest men.
-Steel is among the Earth’s three smartest people.
Using the data I was able to compile a list of Earth’s three smartest humans:
3. Mr. Terrific
This book also reminded me how much I hate Superman. Whenever he talks or thinks he’s always like “OOOOH I’M SO SUPER. I HAVE ALL THE POWERS. I WISH I WAS IN KANSAS.” Oh yeah, and Tim Drake is there! That guy is everywhere.
~*~*Adventures In Blogging*~*~
I was searching for pictures of Tim Drake’s stupid hair cut (fun fact: they’re all stupid!) and I found this frightening, NSFW piece of fan art. Wow, the internet is disgusting!