I read some comics. Many of them I didn’t understand at all!!
Teen Titans #13
There’s a little back story on Beast Boy. Then Beast Boy goes to the doctor, and it turns out he’s sick for the first time since he was six. Then Raven and Kid Flash get tattoos, but Kid Flash’s increased metabolism makes his stupid Green Lantern tattoo disappear. Part of me really wished that Wally erased it and was like, “You look like an idiot.” Raven’s is a pretty terrible lower back tattoo of a Raven. She feels really bad about something.
Then Superboy goes to Gotham where Stephanie is currently Robin and is like “You’re not Robin! You’re a girl!” Then Batman shows up and tell Superboy, “She’s Robin, fuck off.” Superboy promptly fucks off.
Then the titans are at a school? And all the kids are turning into animals, and Beast Boy stops being all green and beastly! To be continued!
Secret Origins #20
The first story in this book stars the first Batgirl and talks about her exciting adventures as an overzealous student, bad ass librarian, really young congresswoman/world traveler, and that one time someone turned her into a snake. It’s pretty good. Batman passes her a note that says “Don’t get caught – he’ll get angry” when she’s hiding in Jim Gordon’s study, it was pretty adorable.
The second story is about Dr. McNider being rushed to aid someone shot by a petty thug of someone named “Killer” Maroni.
After getting shrapnel from a grenade in his eyes, the doctor is blind–until one day he realizes he can see in the dark… but only in the dark! He makes himself some fancy glasses and makes friends with an owl, puts on a silly costume and calls himself Dr. Mid-nite! He takes down that guy Maroni who exclaims, “You fargging ice hole!!!” Okay, I made that last bit up.
Suicide Squad #49
I 100% bought this book because of the awesome picture of Babs on the cover. The Wall sends out ye olde Suicide Squad to take down the new Thinker who’s apparently a huge dick. He makes some dude strangle his wife. Also there’s a new Atom named Adam, and he’s there for some reason.
Some cops try and arrest Deadshot while he’s walking around and that obviously doesn’t work. Captain Boomerang throws some Boomerangs. The Thinker shows up at Oracle’s and keeps calling her Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaamy for some reason and knocks her out of her wheelchair. Then Waller shows up with some kind of head implant that blocks Thinker’s brain meats from controlling her brain meats and stops him, and then stops Babs from killing him! Hooray Amanda Waller!
Young Justice #49
This issue begins with Kid Flash and Superboy and some other guy crying about how “their favorite” comic books were cancelled, which I guess means the authors are crying about those character’s books getting cancelled. Then Tim Drake’s there and they’re like “OH LOOK AT MR. #106 OVER HERE.”
Then a bunch of other stuff happens, but I have absolutely no idea what it is. Not a clue. Steph Brown shows up at the end though!
Batman Adventures #34
Catwoman invites Batman over for dinner. Batman says “I am the law,” like he’s Judge Dredd. There’s a guy and he makes a machine that erases people’s memories and uses it on Batman. To be continued?
Swamp Thing Annual #4
A weird mold thing is killing people in Gotham–and Batman catches it! He goes to visit Posion Ivy, but she gets angry that he associates plants and fungus. She also makes him kinda itchy. He then spends two weeks punching people and breaking windows in the Bayou until Swamp Thing saves him. Some hippies are there, they smoke weed.
So I bought these issues of X-23 for real real cheap thinking that I might have some chance of understanding what goes in them… I was wrong. Some buildings explode and the Fantastic Four are there. Spiderman is also in the Fantastic Four.
This book fails to explain to me what Checkmate is and why I should care about all the heavy spy shit going on in this book, but Amanda Waller is there, and she’s great. At the end the UN votes to disband whatever Checkmate is.
All I have to say is “Why did I buy this book?”
Birds of Prety #97
Talia, Felix Faust, and Cheetah convince Black Alice to steal Wonder Woman’s powers and fight against the Birds of Prey. Eventually, Black Canary convinces Black Alice that those dudes are bonkers, at which point Black Alice steals Faust’s Powers and renders Talia, Felix, and Cheetah powerless and sends them packing . Despite their desperate attempts throughout the entire book, Talia’s gigantic boobs are unable to escape from the clutches of her top.
I think that’s all I can deal with today… nonsense continues tomorrow.