The Pile: Day 9

Happy comic book day everyone!!!

Short version:

DC Comics Proudly Presents: The Adventures of the World's Worst Logo

Long Version:

Five of a Kind: Thunder and Martian Manhunter #1

Batman is in the middle of training his team of outsiders, so he sends Thunder and Martian Manhunter down into a big ‘ol cave to go see what’s happening down there. It’s one of Darksied’s sons and Kyle Rayner gave him a very thorough beating, and now he’s down there with some horrible doomsday device and it’s up to Thunder to stop him.

Thunder told me all about all of Martian Manhunter’s awesome powers, but she can’t tell me anything about herself other than that she’s the daughter of Black Lightning. Does she also have lightning powers as her name would suggest? I really wish I knew!!!

Anyways, she gets Martian Manhunter to restore that guy’s brain from Rayner’s GL Lobotomy and lets him escape for some reason. Obviously, Batman kicks her off the team.

Fatale #3

I really love this book. I don’t think I have the ability to describe it accurately, but it’s dark and creepy and wonderful and you guys should all read it!

Red Lanterns #7

This is the best issue of Red Lanterns so far, because it does not consist mostly of Atrocitus moping around Ysmault. He’s really tortured, you guys.  It starts with Bleez and the rest of the sentient Red Lanterns killing off what remains of the now-powerless Sinestro Corps.

There’s a human dude who got Red Lantern-ified back in #5 or something, and Guy Gardner tries to talk some sense into him.. and actually gets him to speak some real human words! Then Red Lantern guy flies back to Ysmault where…

Atrocitus is searching for the stolen corpse of Krona, who thankfully is still deadsies. That guy was a huge douche. Atrocitus finds that Krona’s body has been eaten, and his skin is being worn around by some of the first creatures he tried to create into Red Lanterns with his BLOOD MAGIC. Him and the rest of those dead rage guys are, surprise surprise, bent on revenge against their creator. Just as the human red lantern dude shows up to find out what a Red Lantern is… Atrocitus gets stabbed through the chest from behind. That seems oddly familiar for some reason…

I can’t quite place why though… I’m pretty happy this book is finally going somewhere! I’m pretty excited.

Batwing #7

The guy at the comic book store was like “I guess that’s one way to sell Batwing, put all the other Bat guys on the cover.” That’s exactly why I bought this book. Mostly because Batgirl was there though.

I hadn’t even read an issue of Batwing since the #1, but this is pretty good. Batwing and the Batcrew are looking for some ex-african rebel superheroes who had to abandon their cause of a people’s revolution in their country when the evil dictator aligned himself with tribal warlords to quash the revolution.

Batman, Robin, Nightwing, and Batwing (Batgirl is noticeably absent.. she’s only in one panel! One!) All end up at a warehouse where that guy Massacre (seen above, stabbing the shit out of someone) has stolen Batwing’s mentor’s fancy power armor! Dun dun dun!!

Detective Comics #7

This book is a mess. I would go so far as to say it’s a “hot mess”. I hate this writer so much.

Green Arrow #7

I was pretty excited to see in the New 52 #5 and #6 books that there was going to be a brand new creative team for Green Arrow #7! Yeah! And the writer is a woman! Awesome stuff!

This book turned out to be really weird. It opens with identical triplets attacking Green Arrow on a rooftop with tiny, tiny arrows. The three blonde triplets are like “WE LOVE YOU GREEN ARROW. WE MADE YOU ALL KINDS OF FANCY TOYS. DO YOU WANNA COME TO CANADA AND PLAY WITH THEM?”

Oliver Queen cancels all his appointments and flies to Canada with the three crazies. While on board his Arrow-Plane en route to the great white north, Green Arrow and the three of them have a four way? What? Why? Why???

Well, it turns out that those three are evil. What a fucking surprise! They program Queen’s jet to crash and newspapers speculate on weather or not he died in the crash.

Animal Man #7

I feel like most of Animal Man is always Buddy having creepy dreams about the future and the rot and stuff. The Barkers are on the run from THE ROT in an RV and trying to get to Alec Holland, the Red’s avatar is an adorable talking cat. Creepy dead animals find them at the end! Scary stuff.

Swamp Thing #7

ALEC HOLLAND FINALLY SUMMONS THE COURAGE TO BECOME THE SWAMP THING. Thank god. This was starting to feel like Ross and Rachael, but with a man and a big scary swamp monster.

Alec is summoned back to the green, where the council of trees tells him that everything is totally ruined forever because he didn’t become the Swamp Thing soon enough, and he kissed the lady who’s gonna be queen of THE ROT. Alec is all like “Fuck you, trees! Make me the goddamn Swamp Thing! I still have a bunch of that crazy plant juice in my backpack.”

The trees oblige, and after waiting for so long Alec Holland is transformed from a human into a giant plant monster, he kills off the folks attacking his body and flies away. Hopefully he’s gonna go help Animal Man.

Huntress #6

Huntress ends her spree of killing off sex traffickers and has a billion euro price on her head from one of the sons of the leading mafia dude she must’ve axed last issue. I don’t remember. She crashes into his bedroom and holds him at crossbow point, telling him to stay out of the sex traffic business or she’ll track him down like the filthy animal that he is. Good job, Huntress!

Next Helena is being chased by police across rooftops and Power Girl saves her! Stay tuned for World’s Finest! The end.

Birds of Prey #102

Barbra Gordon goes to have lunch with Lois Lane, who starts dropping subtle hints that she thinks Babs might be some kind of computer hacker. Babs shows Lois a picture of her kissing Superman, and then Lois is Like “WOW ALL THAT HACKER STUFF SOUNDS LIKE AN URBAN LEGEND!” Manhunter beats up some dudes in a Mexican jail, Misfit can’t work the big fancy Oracle computer, Big Barda throws a car at some dudes. Lady Blackhawk yells and shoots.

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