Wonder Woman #9
This has an origin story for Cheetah, who gets made into a scary cat monster by a kind of racist voodoo guy who performs a scary ancient ritual on her. Wonder Woman tries to fight her, but is quickly overpowered! Scary! Some lady shoots at Cheetah from the trees, but when Wonder Woman searches the lake she falls in to try and find her body, it seems that she’s escaped.
Diana decides to return to Paradise Island, because she doesn’t like her publicist. Steve Trevor is there.
Wonder Woman #601-604
I read Wonder Woman 600 as they lead into this new story arc and I know fuck all about what’s going on. What a giant fucking shitheap of a story. I guess the author woke up one day and went to DC and was like “Hey guys? Would it be cool if I ruined Wonder Woman?” and they were like “Yeah!!! Do that!”
And do that he did, my six readers. Some evil flaming guy decides to kill Hippolyta and most of the amazons and as she’s being burned alive she’s like “WONDER WOMAN WILL RISE FROM MY ASHES.” Then, later, Wonder Woman rises from her ashes and is greeted by Cassandra who lives under a bridge and gives Wondy her last stick of gum.
So flame guy is hunting down the remaining amazons and so are some military group and Wondy is fighting all of them and trying to get her remaining sisters away from them. In the desert, she gets attacked by harpies who send her to hell. Hades has left, and it’s just chaos down there. Charon is like “Umm, you can’t leave” and Diana is like “Fuck you! I don’t take orders from anyone!!” And she goes to fight Cerberus, but he smells her and lets her go from hell.
Then Wondy fights fire guy and gets her Lasso back.
This entire story was like being punched in the face, Diana was nothing like any incarnation of Wonder Woman I have ever read. This was just abysmal. I died a little on the inside.
Wonder Woman: Our Worlds at War
This tells, what I can only assume, is a summary of everything that happened to Wonder Woman between 1987 and 2001 in the form of a bunch of amazons talk about Hippolyta, who is currently deadsies. Also, Wonder Woman is also deadsies. When Diana dies, Hippolyta goes back in time to become the Golden Age Wonder Woman, and ends up inspiring Diana to become Wonder Woman, and then she dies and Hippolyta goes back in time to become the golden age Wonder Woman. It’s really dumb and confusing, like Fry being his own grandfather, except not hilarious.
Amethyst Princess of Gemworld #13
So this book is about Dr. Fate flying around a blind Amethyst during ye olde Crisis on Infinite Earths and explaining some shit about some other shit.
The Battle For Bludhaven #1
Remember when the secret society of supervillains dropped Chemo on Bludhaven, because let’s face it, that dude is useless unless you use him as a bomb. I think he likes it, anyways. After Infinite Crisis, this place has been walled off by the government. The Teen Titans tried to help but some guys called “Freedom’s Ring” (ex Force of July) kicked them out. Then two guys who are atomic powered show up or something.
The Spectre #1
Detective Crispus Allen died at the end of Gotham Central and his killer was never brought to justice. After his death he was approached by the Spectre and he was like “No thanks, dude. I don’t want to be the Spectre,” and then the Spectre was like “I’ll come back and ask in a year.”
Ghost Allen goes around and watches stuff. He finds out that he can’t really interact with anything, so he decides to go figure out who Batman is. It’s Bruce Wayne, boy does that seem obvious! He steps into, what I can only assume, is a crazy Intergang ritual, and thinks someone can hear him.
The Spectre is like “So…” and then Crispus Allen decides to bceome the Spectre!!
Horn head demon guy explains to Fray the long boring story of the Slayers and the watchers and magic, and about that one time Magic got expelled from this universe (Buffy does this in Season 8, which wouldn’t be written until almost a decade later). Fray assumes that the demon guy is her watcher, but NOPE. Apparently, even though there are still watchers, they’ve all gone totally bonkers and sit around and act paranoid about magic. Horn head demon guy throws a steel girder at Fray’s face. Fray steals something and then gets into a really good bar fight.