Just kidding, this is about SPACE: PUNISHER.
SPACE PUNISHER, YOU GUYS.
I’m not a fan of Marvel Comics. I think they’re overall pretty dumb. The only guy who I really like is Throg. I mean their flagship character is Spider-man. With a hyphen. Spider-Man. Equally ridiculous is the Punisher, who as far as I know just goes around and kills people because his family died and he doesn’t know how to move on. But I mean… this book has the tagline “In space, no one can here you die” I felt like I had to buy it.
I was really worried it was just going to be “The Punisher… but he’s in space” and… and, well it kind of is like that. He’s hunting SPACE gangsters and has a space car and space guns. The book starts out by establishing HOW in space he is by having him fly down and gun down about a million gross black blobs that look like a cross between the Xenomorph in Alien and the Bugs from Starship Troopers, except they can talk! After assaulting the queen of these aliens with some kind of laser space sword, he decides that it would be way easier to kill them with a bomb that creates a black hole… so he does. Go, Space Punisher.
Space Punisher then goes to a very obligatory space bar where he threatens to blast everyone with his space ship until he gets some information. He only has to completely obliterate one dude until he finds out where some scumbag who knows where the space gangsters are hiding. It doesn’t take long before Space Punisher has shot up a bunch of aliens and is making their boss tell him about where the “Six Fingered Hand” cabal is and where they’re hiding.
It turns out he already killed one, the alien space queen or whoever, but the others includ Magneto, who looks like the regular style Magneto, Alien style Red Skull, whoever Ultron is, Green Goblin–who in space is an actual winged hobgoblin,and Dr. Octopus–who now appears to be BOTH a doctor AND an octopus. After finding out this very important space information, Space Deadpool (who has guns for hands.. space guns, space hands I can only assume), Space Sabretooth, and Space The Leader–whoever that last guy is.
Space Punisher is actually a pretty awesome book. The art is spectacular and it feels like it pays homage to a lot of classic science fiction, it has some really A+ aliens and explosions, it even has alien fish porn. Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty over the top with the amount of SPACE involved, but I’m totally in for this. I’m going to go to the comic book store and tell them. “…put me on for…ugh.. SPACE Punisher.”